end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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