he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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