her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
