with your own penis?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
that's an acceptable place to lick
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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