The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
