i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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