You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
