You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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