sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
