I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
