I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
