is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
