I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
