I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
