dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
