Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
