I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
