I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We are all done wearing pants today
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
