Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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