I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
