he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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