to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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