The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
