Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
