It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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