if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
