Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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