what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
