i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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