I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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