boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
