90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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