my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
