Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
