i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
