So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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