The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
