This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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