If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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