You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
