And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
