She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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