And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
