The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
