True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
