I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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