She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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