Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
