My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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