Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i out mim tonsoeep
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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