just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
