dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
