No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
