i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
