So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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