I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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