So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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