She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
