i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
