Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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