I cockslap morals
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
