Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
