I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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