wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize