everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
