WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
