drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
