This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
