i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've blown a few things in my day
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
