he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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