why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
