What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
