i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
