A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
