Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
