Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
