so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
