Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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