I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize