Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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