here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
