are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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