don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
