he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
