Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
