we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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