Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
