I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
