We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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