"it" just moved
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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